They call me sunshine.

Sunshine, say your mine...

I will put you in my pocket.

You're perfect, see?

The best to me.

                                   But please don't rise.

                                   It hurts my eyes.

                                   Though I know it's natural for you.

                                   And never set.

                                   At least not yet.

                                   Though you know how I adore you.

You're all I want.

You're all I dream.

                                   But, please dear star.

                                   Don't be so far.

                                   You're never what you seem.

                                  Always being quite unseen.

There could never be 

Another for me.

                                  Though somewhere she's waiting 

                                  Right in the wings.

 Sunshine, Sunshine.

 Say that you're all mine.

                                   Though I know your light.

                                   Is far too bright.

                                   To bring down from the sky.

Give it away, to sit by the bay.

                                   And leave the world in night.

                         

                              

Easter Eggs.

I think that I have realized something today. Felt something I don't think I have ever felt before. No tragedy, though there was sadness. I felt God gently lift my life right out of my hands. Everything thing still intact. Just barely beyond my reach. My future lies in front of me, scrambled like eggs. I try to pick through. But I am not sure what I am even seeing. 

You are right.

It's better off with you...

Sailing Away

I want to storm through you 

With illustrious vigor.

Upturn all the mossy, 

Unturned stones of your world.

Make you feel me completely,

In your bones, your veins, your mouth.

Don't tame me, sailor.

I'm no woman you've known.

I will enter your life like a looming tide,

Intoxicating your shore.

Lapping you up and devouring crumbs of you.

Before we collide.

You may grow weary of my changes.

As I may sometimes slip away.

But you are no stranger to the sea.

Rest in the uncertainty that's me.

His Angry Inch

Don't blame it on me.

bow wow

I could pick you apart. And I will today.

I'm part crazy. We all know your insane.

You lay by the dog house. I don't let you in.

I'm too scared to tell you. That's when it begins.

Dear God

Find me where I am. 

Sincerely,

Lost

2009

I just returned to my new home in LA after a visit to my old home in Kentucky. I am feeling a little jet lagged. The airline lost my luggage. Our flight was delayed 2 hours. We almost missed it. And still the color pillars outside LAX felt welcoming. Safe. Strangely. 

A year ago they meant something different. Me, completely out of my comfort zone. Alone. Stepping into a rental car. I started driving straight toward the Hollywood sign, screaming for joy. Crying even a little. I had never felt the extremes of so many different emotions all at once. I was doing something I had envisioned so many times. For me it wasn't about Hollywood. Not what it represents for a lot of people at least. It was about me, doing something I had planned. Following through. Making sure I got my piece of this world. 

I knew I'd struggle. Who doesn't? Bring it on. But... I was not prepared for what 2008 had for me. Or maybe in some ways I was. I am alive, and loving being so. I have become something different in this year. I feel so empowered. I feel as though I could live anywhere and handle anything that comes my way. Like these nights I have been so confused and restless have molded me into something I was prepared to become all along.

Adult Boot Camp. My name for 2008. And I feel like I may graduate soon. 

When I returned to those color pillars a few days ago...they gave me a feeling that was quite different from what they had before. I did however feel those same extreme emotions. As though this city runs on a different wave length. One that keeps my heart pumping maybe just one beat faster. I know now that I like it that way. But only when I can go back to my Kentucky home to occasionally rest my weary heart.

I am peaceful in my city now. With the things that I love and the things that I hate. 2008 was the end of a very important segment of my life. One that I am also happy to say goodbye to. But could never have done without.

I've never made a new years resolution. And I am still not going to. I just want to continue to pursue my life resolutions. I hope that never stops. 

I am refreshed. I am happy. I'm gona rock the shit out of 2009.