His Angry Inch

Don't blame it on me.

bow wow

I could pick you apart. And I will today.

I'm part crazy. We all know your insane.

You lay by the dog house. I don't let you in.

I'm too scared to tell you. That's when it begins.

Dear God

Find me where I am. 

Sincerely,

Lost

2009

I just returned to my new home in LA after a visit to my old home in Kentucky. I am feeling a little jet lagged. The airline lost my luggage. Our flight was delayed 2 hours. We almost missed it. And still the color pillars outside LAX felt welcoming. Safe. Strangely. 

A year ago they meant something different. Me, completely out of my comfort zone. Alone. Stepping into a rental car. I started driving straight toward the Hollywood sign, screaming for joy. Crying even a little. I had never felt the extremes of so many different emotions all at once. I was doing something I had envisioned so many times. For me it wasn't about Hollywood. Not what it represents for a lot of people at least. It was about me, doing something I had planned. Following through. Making sure I got my piece of this world. 

I knew I'd struggle. Who doesn't? Bring it on. But... I was not prepared for what 2008 had for me. Or maybe in some ways I was. I am alive, and loving being so. I have become something different in this year. I feel so empowered. I feel as though I could live anywhere and handle anything that comes my way. Like these nights I have been so confused and restless have molded me into something I was prepared to become all along.

Adult Boot Camp. My name for 2008. And I feel like I may graduate soon. 

When I returned to those color pillars a few days ago...they gave me a feeling that was quite different from what they had before. I did however feel those same extreme emotions. As though this city runs on a different wave length. One that keeps my heart pumping maybe just one beat faster. I know now that I like it that way. But only when I can go back to my Kentucky home to occasionally rest my weary heart.

I am peaceful in my city now. With the things that I love and the things that I hate. 2008 was the end of a very important segment of my life. One that I am also happy to say goodbye to. But could never have done without.

I've never made a new years resolution. And I am still not going to. I just want to continue to pursue my life resolutions. I hope that never stops. 

I am refreshed. I am happy. I'm gona rock the shit out of 2009.

They came to me for no particular reason

I held them cause I thought it was the season

You can't push the greats

the greats they simply pull their weight

I thought it might be my time to be that way

Im here and that is not even here nor there

I followed cause some where I lose that silly fear

You can make you way 

But that... ways not safe from change

Life will follow you but you soon wont run away

I left it lying some where in the grass of blue

All the stillness and wishing I someday knew

You can say and say

But doing never comes that way

Life is flying by so grab it by the precious main 

Popping Bubbles.

I am gaining a new understanding of life. And it is a shocking realization.

I am not safe.

We are told that "it could happen to us".

But I think that is wrong.

It WILL happen to us. Something. Tragedy. Heartache. Death.

This is not some stanza of glooming poetry.

It is a guarantee. 

I have watched these past two years punch me harder with each blow.

I fight back like a refrained child throwing a tantrum. Powerless.

I scream. I am ignored. 

Even the ones who are meant to protect me have exited stage right.

I stand lone, venerable to the audiences persecution.

No standing ovation tonight. 

No flowers in the dressing room.

This is not my demise. This is not my surrender.

I am now numbly stating facts according to my vision.

If the bubble I believed in ever existed...

It is now safe to say it popped.

Empathy

To spot a stranger from far away.

Not knowing their name or their story.

Never having even heard their voice.

You run to them. 

Simply by the look in their eye.

Feeling the loneliness they seep.

So much so that your own eyes tear

At just a sight of their far away stare.

You embrace.

For a moment, to each other you were strangers.

Now to each other you are 

Everything.